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Compilation 9 Compilation 10 Compilation 11
Compilation 12 Mixed Messages

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Demise of Lehman Brothers

U.S. President George Bush: “I’m saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman Brothers.

My thoughts go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is no doubt a tragedy”

What's the capital of Iceland?
About minus 3.50.


How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.


 Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.


Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?
A: To ask for their money back.

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I tried to get cash from the ATM today but it said “insufficient funds.” I don’t know if that meant them or me.


How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.


Record unemployment levels have been announced today as the Credit Crunch tightens it’s grip.

Worst hit sectors are the construction trade and Icelandic bank robbers.

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Talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on.

He sold me one outside KFC yesterday.

[NOTE: The big issue is a UK magazine sold by homeless people to make some money]


A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament is stuck in traffic. Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: ‘What’s the hold-up?’ The policeman replies: ‘The Prime Minister is so depressed he’s stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we’re taking up a collection for him.’ The lobbyist asks: ‘How much have you got so far?’ The officer replies: ‘About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.’



An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Icesave?!' What is this, some sort of scam?" 


Uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last seven days, Origami bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank has announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was also announced that Karaoke Bank will go up for sale and will likely go for a song, while shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended today after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on after sharp cutbacks, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

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If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

Most of the jokes in this compilation are courtesy of Keith Still


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